Clearning out space

Hasn't quite been a week of posting positive affirmations but things are starting to change, manifest positive outcomes.  Yes, I am walking that walk too, not just talking!

Change can happen.  Change your mind, change your thoughts... Move through the crap, cut out the unproductive vine... keep on moving forward. You will be like the cream, rising to the top!  Small changes can result in big things happening, this is something that I have seen, this last week.  --- all of these statements are things that have been said to me this week by friends! 
I know general statements.  Gonna start off with today's affirmation and progress from there, explaining a bit how it applies and what happened to me.  You get what you project, its why I wanted to work on the affirmations, laws of attraction.


"I attract only healthy relationships"

This last week, oh wow.  The good people in my life those supporting the positive changes those who want to be a part of this and get behind me, are there.  FIRMLY there!  BTW, HECK YEA!  I have never felt so much positive energy, so much positive support.  I am a happy girl, personally.  Feeling validated in a major way.  Things are moving the way they should be.  There are always the negative energy, the haters.  Its pretty interesting that I had that force come at me twice.  DONE.  There just isn't any room in my life for it. 

If I allow the negative, its like I have said for the last few years... let me use the analogy of a closet... spring cleaning.  What do you do?  You organize, toss out the stuff that doesn't fit, is out of date, or style, purge the stuff out of the closet that isn't working for you.... why?  To make room for the good stuff!  For new stuff.  If you hang on to the negative, then there isn't room for the positive.  I have taken this analogy and ran with it for a while, remembering to clear out that negative energy out of my life out of my personal space every so often.... when I purposely make space for positive energy, relationships, I always get them.  YES!  It's totally worth the change.  Completely worth it the trust in the process. 

Life hasn't always been this positive for me.  We all have stories.  Here's the raw part from me... Victim of rape, abuse (mental, emotional, and physical), caustic relationships.   That is just the tip of the iceberg.  Not wanting to wear that "victim status" yea, it happened.  At some point I may go into those subjects, its actually pretty likely, this is a fairly new blog.  Peeling off the layers slower.  I do firmly believe, that you can be the 'victim' your whole life, or  you can take it, run with it... wear what happened to you, like a badge, say you went through it.  It MAKES you who you are at this very moment.  I am a very loving person and trusting despite all that has happened.  I won't let some bad choices of others change me, that to me, lets them have that part of me, that uniqueness. NOPE.  I am who I am, they won't change it.  Projecting the positive. 

There are about eight affirmations that I see on a daily basis, sticky noted.  Its subliminal messages at this point, something is sticking to the inside of my subconscious too, its working.  The positive relationship affirmation has been on my mirror since Monday.  lol, things have happened, changes, and all for the better. 

Good things are happening.  And I am open to the idea of more good things happening.  Diversity happens too, challenge, there will always be something out there to try and shake it up and make things difficult.  I have, as this week has proved, a wonderful support system. 

Speaking of that system.... I owe some HUGE thank yous to people in my life.  In the midst of diversity, the stood there, told me they had my back, gave me words of encouragement, and let me be me.  They didn't "fix it for me".  They just let me know that the answer lied within and within my trust in GOD.  They ROCK.  I am still grateful for so much. 

I know I have done my share of leaning this week.  This works both ways.  All those people in my life, I am there for them too.  I will be (this blog is my witness) your biggest cheerleader (fan), your shoulder should you need me, a safe place to tell your secrets to, and if you trust me enough with your dreams.  I will help you get there, moving mountains if we need to one grain of sand at a time.  Let me be there, and I will. 

Still shooting for the moon! 
I know random blog again.  Yikes, but these thoughts and ideas need to go somewhere.  They have to manifest.  Thanks for reading. 

A heart full of gratitude, I keep on moving forward.

darker times.

Okay I did mention that these "characters" I have created... these fictional characters I am writing about, developing their interwining storylines... they are rooted partly in my personality.  Exaggerated facets of my personality.. But yes. 

Matt saved M&M's character development til the end.  And really I was offended initially.  But rather smart, yea I said it... smart, blah.  He went with the most simplistic of characters.... or who I am exibiting qualities of to the more complex.  The story started with M&M's creation, it always has, she created the other two.

Now when she was initially thought up, created, whatever I was in a dark time in my life.  I am not excusing anything, mearly explaining the facts.  In a loveless marriage, away from my family, had the best friends anyone could ever imagine, but they didn't know all of me, we didn't have this everlong history, so they couldnt see that I wasn't "me".  I don't think they could pick up on the fractures in me... the duality that covered the abuse. 
I am not going to pretend or assume you have read the poetry to your right --->  lol (shameless plug)  but I do go into those feelings of being alone, depressed, helpless... no bueno.  Lots of stuff happened in those days.  Often it was the people that I was interacting with through this character of "M&M" that saw what was actually going on.  I know they all know there was mental and emotional abuse, and at the end they put two and two together to know that it went beyond that. 

Anyhow you write what you know, or atleast its a good starting point.  M&M was turned in a horrific act.  She was a young teenager, innocent, and she was violated in the worst thing a being can do to another.. she was created in a very violent vulgar act.   Without going too deep, I had my own "experience" with that dark side of humanity at about the same age.  Too young to understand anything, wayyy to young.

M&M uses the rage and anger from that experience to seek revenge.  She doesn't know how to love.    She protects herself at all costs.  Dog eat dog world.  ;) 

Like a century later, she,  does marry, a man who has no clue she is a vamp.  Haha.  She wants to be loved.  Its not a healthy relationship on any level.  She becomes a black widow.  Anger and hate and vengefulness just ooze from this little one.  Her world is turned upside down with the Isa but more with the addition of Mael.  Though she is still very clueless on what love is. 

I begged and pleaded with Matt to let me write this much about her, because he is working so dillegantly on the storyline he won't give it up.  Doesn't want too many details out there.  LOL  Opps.  Nah. He has the approval on this, as long as  you see it published.  ;) 


PS.  I am soo not this person any longer... well parts of it I wear, and will take with me always.  But I do see things differently.  Anger and hatred have no place in my heart.  I was the victim too long to continue to "play" that card.  So I am a survivor, I wear it proud.  I found the strength and courage to get out, and it gives me some unique perspective into life.  Everything happens for a reason and it is not my right to question that reason.