take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes

I had this migraine yesterday and my body aches.  More than that I did something stupid.  I had some crazy dream last night.  I know no control over your dreams, blah, blah, blah.  Whatever.  So it got my muse restless.... there was some stuff brought up in the dream... that got her stirring. 

Basically left me feeling extremely empty.  BOO! Well I don't do that well. So I got up and just let it all out, everything that was inside, got caught up on paper.  Some of it is hurt, pain... but not all.  There is an overwhelming amount of hope and healing in the words.  I am scared to post.  It still seems to real all that came out.  I just let my pen go, and the paper was there to support me. 

I don't know what it means other than I had feelings to express. 

I am at a place in my life where I am very grateful for those who are in my life.  I want to support their dreams and aspirations as much as I want my own success.  Ready to take things head on.  It upsets me to see someone hurting, always been that way, wishing I could take some of that burden on so that they wouldn't have to deal with it.  I understand that it is their struggle to take on.  But its hard to sit back and watch sometimes.  I just don't like seeing people in pain or hurting or being mad...

I guess that's what most of the dream was about.  Learned along time ago, that it is possible for me to manipulate my dreams; used to have terrible nightmares as a kid... horrific.  One of the therapists I went to (yea, I said it, oooohhhh so taboo, blah) gave me some tools to get myself out of those situations... stop the panic in the dreams.  The tools are pretty useful.  More so I am so used to having them at my dispose that they are virtually in every dream I have.  It's like a fire alarm.  That's the best analogy I can use.  At anytime I can find the item and change the dream.  Hummm sounds like a few different movies. 

Okay so Morpheus lets take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.  YUP.  That's what happened exploring the dream and that is where all the poetry came out of.  I just let it be.  Just wanted to see what would spill forth.  There is a huge range of things inside me.  Wasn't aware to the depths of the feelings I tapped or how much certain people mean to me; even funnier?  The lack of feelings for others OOOOO!  Exhausted because it was a lot of emotion.  But I am better on the other side.  Resolving feelings and situations internally.  In a good place now. 

I sent a few text messages to friends earlier today, because looking at statuses it just seemed like everyone was having this kinda blah kinda day.  So why not tell those I appreciate and care about most that care and appreciate them.  Overwhelming responses back, I wasn't quite prepared for the response.  Those I have yet to hear back from.. eh.. I hope that the message still found them well. 

My body still aches, my soul is rejoicing though... and my heart is full but reserved.  It's just what I feel, the result of that dream. 

Not sure how much of this makes sense, the inside of my brain is mush.  I know that I am on the right path in life at the moment.  I took a big detour to get here but I am here.  And that detour I learned a lot about myself.  No regrets, because that's not how I live. Everything has a reason.

With a grateful heart I continue doing what I do....

empathetic me

So.  Maybe I should have started here.  It's hard to explain.  Difficult to find the word.  Trying.  Okay.  A psychic "sees" right.  I mean this is a given.  Now people can argue the accuracy from here until the end of time, but that's what they do they "see" with their sixth sense, some other event that is not happening right in front of them, is not apparent with their five senses.  Yea, so work with me on this, the best way I know how to describe it is I am an empath.  Yea, not "seeing" as a psychic sees, but rather "feeling".

What does that mean?  Hummm well it means I am super sensitive to emotions.  Always have been.  I can be happy-go-lucky me and because someone I care about is having a rough time, eh, it lowers it.  Yea, yea, that's just being empathetic/sympathetic to a situation... nope, its beyond that, it truly bums me out!  The reverse is true, I get happier if my friends are succeeding.  See kinda selfishly propelling you all forward.  *wink*  No really I love bragging.  That's something else entirely. 

Okay so there is another couple parts to this "gift".  I get feelings about a situation.  Yea, this is the more I guess you could say psychic part of it.  I can feel if a situation is good or not, most of the time.  Going with my gut.  Umm this is good and bad.  I hate driving on the freeway, worse, someone else driving.  I see some pretty awful situations that could occur.  It used to be worse; I used to see horrific accidents.  I mean like they really happened, gruesome sights... potential accidents, worse when they actually do happen.  UGH.  But there is good too.... Developing this while working on massage.  SWEET.  I have great intuition when working on a person.  Just sync up with the surroundings and their energy.  Can't fully explain it, you'd have to be on my table to experience it.

There is another part in being around a person, and maybe this goes best under massage.  I can feel what is hurting in them, let my guard down and I can feel physical and emotional pain.  If  I don't snap it back into place, well I can take on their issues, mental, emotional, physical.  No bueno.  I try, its difficult though if I am involved with the person, if I care about their well being... friends, family.  yea. 
Along with that there can be an energy exchange, yea this is the most out there part.  I know you have followed or tried to follow.  I connect to people.  I am a people person.  If I let you in.  I quite literally let you in.  I have a connection with you from that point forward.  Now if something happens I can get a feeling... like a tug on a string that something is up.  If I am grounded, being neutral within my own energy, meditating... anything like that, that tug is very strong.  I have met others like me in this aspect, well in all little faucets of this niche.  Seems like attracts like several of my friends do this whether they know it or not.

Not sure that I did much to explain how things work... Maybe created more questions.  Ask.  I will answer.  Gladly.

I am being as real as I can....

i wish someone could just open me up and look inside to see what the feelings are. ya, yea... i am a flirt.  nothing new.  but when it comes down to it.... i don't play games.  none of it.  i am sincere,  ask me.  tell me, communication is a two way street.  my feelings are unconditional always have been, again, its who i am.  i can appreciate every friendship in my life for its uniqueness.  the only expectation i have is for you to be present in my life, let me be there for you... and would appreciate the shoulder to lean on occasionally.

so i have been writing, filing out forms that my screen writer sent about my characters.  excited about the possibility of something manifesting from my imagination, actual 3D work!  opening up their personalities, trying them on.... bahaha!  well they are created from my mind with help from lots of research.  its nice to revisit my old "friends".