darker times.

Okay I did mention that these "characters" I have created... these fictional characters I am writing about, developing their interwining storylines... they are rooted partly in my personality.  Exaggerated facets of my personality.. But yes. 

Matt saved M&M's character development til the end.  And really I was offended initially.  But rather smart, yea I said it... smart, blah.  He went with the most simplistic of characters.... or who I am exibiting qualities of to the more complex.  The story started with M&M's creation, it always has, she created the other two.

Now when she was initially thought up, created, whatever I was in a dark time in my life.  I am not excusing anything, mearly explaining the facts.  In a loveless marriage, away from my family, had the best friends anyone could ever imagine, but they didn't know all of me, we didn't have this everlong history, so they couldnt see that I wasn't "me".  I don't think they could pick up on the fractures in me... the duality that covered the abuse. 
I am not going to pretend or assume you have read the poetry to your right --->  lol (shameless plug)  but I do go into those feelings of being alone, depressed, helpless... no bueno.  Lots of stuff happened in those days.  Often it was the people that I was interacting with through this character of "M&M" that saw what was actually going on.  I know they all know there was mental and emotional abuse, and at the end they put two and two together to know that it went beyond that. 

Anyhow you write what you know, or atleast its a good starting point.  M&M was turned in a horrific act.  She was a young teenager, innocent, and she was violated in the worst thing a being can do to another.. she was created in a very violent vulgar act.   Without going too deep, I had my own "experience" with that dark side of humanity at about the same age.  Too young to understand anything, wayyy to young.

M&M uses the rage and anger from that experience to seek revenge.  She doesn't know how to love.    She protects herself at all costs.  Dog eat dog world.  ;) 

Like a century later, she,  does marry, a man who has no clue she is a vamp.  Haha.  She wants to be loved.  Its not a healthy relationship on any level.  She becomes a black widow.  Anger and hate and vengefulness just ooze from this little one.  Her world is turned upside down with the Isa but more with the addition of Mael.  Though she is still very clueless on what love is. 

I begged and pleaded with Matt to let me write this much about her, because he is working so dillegantly on the storyline he won't give it up.  Doesn't want too many details out there.  LOL  Opps.  Nah. He has the approval on this, as long as  you see it published.  ;) 


PS.  I am soo not this person any longer... well parts of it I wear, and will take with me always.  But I do see things differently.  Anger and hatred have no place in my heart.  I was the victim too long to continue to "play" that card.  So I am a survivor, I wear it proud.  I found the strength and courage to get out, and it gives me some unique perspective into life.  Everything happens for a reason and it is not my right to question that reason.