Well (bleep)

Haha, Casandra, I totally used your words.  I HEART YOU, Gorgeous!  Is it tacky to refer to a blog in your blog?  I mean like a previous post???? Maybe well F that. 

http://mnmsnickers.blogspot.com/2011/05/humm-why-screw-that-why-not.html

That is me people, that is who I am.  I can expand and I will.  Life hasn't always been what it is right now... Take a trip with me back a few years, actually about a decade, give or take. 

I was living with my fiance.. we were going to be married.  Things were in a pretty good place.  We had the pre wedding parties, bachelor/bachelorette.  lmao.  My girls threw both!  I love them to pieces.  There were two that were the front runners of planning.  Now I was in a much different place than I am now, young, naive.  And much, much more "vanilla".  Grew up in a conservative catholic background.  My party was relatively harmless, but well my girls took him to partake in some very well, fetish kinda behaviors.  Not huge, at the time they were HUGE to me, but its all in context. 

He took it to mean that they gave their blessings on not just doing those activities but that he could go and cheat.  When did  I find out about this?  Hummm the day after the wedding!  NICE no one said shit to me the day before, because the bachelor party was two days prior, and no one said crap the day of... NOPE I find the bruises on him the day after, and inquire... NICE.  SUPER violation of trust at the inner most level. 

Well things aren't always smooth.  I was cheated on for most of my marriage.  Over it, there is a reason why we are divorced, not looking for the pity party just explaining the background, there is a purpose I swear.  Small town I know what he is doing.... worse yet if he was honest, there may have been room for a dialog about it, and it may have been acceptable (when I say may, I mean would have).... but he NEVER said anything.  LIES.  Complied by more lies. 

The abuse was mental and emotional.  I didn't think I was worth anything ever.  By the time I got to Oregon, the isolation made the abuse worse.  I was alone.  Very much alone, no fam, no friends.  So I made friends.  I was me, but shattered.  TWO very different people.  The me that was the shell and then the inner me that was broken.  I could be a good little actress but I lost much of myself inside of that act.  Another blog, I know... I digress. 

The friends I gained in Oregon are incredible.  Very much so the angels I needed, proof that God never gave up on me.  Always there, even when I didn't want them, always giving.  BC, the Sizemores, my boss ladies and gentlemen, and even my coworkers!  We were all one big happy, family... dysfunctionally functional.  If you have you gave, you shared.  No questions, ever... I love those people with all I have!  Incredible each and everyone of them.  INCREDIBLE, I learned about friendship, unconditional friendship.  Then E (aka Evan aka Ev) came into my life... I think I mentioned before that he just showed up.  YUP he forked over in total about five grand.  Nice.  Just because he could, not because I knew about it, but because that's who he is, he just does, he had it so it wasn't a question, it wasn't something he thought about. 

Anyhow point is I know things go south I know what it is to have to need, and have no one there.  Did I mention that my ex ended up having the power shut off when I was home (out in the middle of nowhere), while I was pregnant.  No power meant no water because we were living on a well.  The well pump happened to be electric.... So that was a nightmare.  Oh and no car to leave the premises!  Thank goodness for some fantastic neighbors. 

There are so many more examples, but I don't want or need the pity party right now, I am not a victim.  Things happened, I made due, its what we call life.  Point is that I give.  I give back so much, that it hurts.  And the people that I give to the most can also hurt me the most.  I know double edged sword.  I know.  I don't expect when I give.  I give to make their lives easier.  I don't want to see anyone in pain, especially those I care about the most.  Resistance I can deal with, I understand the other side.  Flip it, really flip the roles, is it something you would do for me?  If that answer is yes, then PLEASE let me do for you.  LET me be your light. 

Be the change you want to see in the world?  I want to see compassion.  LET me be compassionate. 

Treat others how you want to be treated?  Raise the bar.  Treat them that way first, let them see how you want to be treated.  How you should be treated.  Lead by example.  Let love in, let it be the guide... Oh there are so many cliches but it all amounts to this is me.  I am a lover a giver.  This is who I am.  Never trying to offend... EVER.  That is not my intention.  This is the same way I would want someone to treat me, the same way I have been treated.  Kindness and loving have been extended unto me and I will gladly pass it along. 

Wow, spilt most of my heart there.  Sorry.  Wasn't sure that it was gonna go that deep.  Not sure how much of it will ever be read or how much of it will be taken seriously.  I get what I do and why I do it.  And I never expect anything back, but a smile, a sigh.... somehow knowing that I made a difference for the good.  That's all I need.  EVER. 

Ignorance.

Okay so gonna hop on the soap box for a min... Addressing this rant because I AM gonna go there... YUP, this blog is gonna be opinionated... and I make no excuses or apologies for it... don't like it, continue on and I won't be offended in the slightest. 



So of all the random things I could be talking about. All the wonderfully odd things that happened this week. When one door closes there is ALWAYS a window or door that opens... And success and happiness are the best revenge ever! I believe that its because you are too busy enjoying life to look back at the bad, what can be better than that? Indifference is really the opposite of love. YIKES! Never knew... but those aren't what I am discussing in this blog... Though they are great lessons that the universe has first handed showed me... Lessons learned and through God's grace I AM a better person (not a vicitm) with some interesting experiences.


ig·no·rance

noun /ˈignərəns/  1.) Lack of knowledge or information That was google's definition.  While Wiki, describes it as several things including the one definition above but expanded to say... "Ignorance should be distinguished from stupidity, although both can lead to "unwise" acts. Also, if important information is available, one may fail to acquire it due to lack of intelligence (not realizing its importance, or not understanding it). The informal use of ignorant is the same as rude and discourteous.....  Ignorance rooting from ignoring is a selective state of unawareness." The definitions are important... I was given a set of statements today... One's that are clearly made from pettiness and an ignorance.  Let it be known that it NEVER made me mad, because this kinda hate, prejudice, comes from small minds.  There is no other way to say it.  No I kinda chuckled and wanted to know when the clock was turned back to the late ninetieth / maybe early twentieth century?  Okay... PROGRESS, not REGRESS, and this is the twenty-first century... catch up.  I decided to take it back, like Randall, in Clerks 2 Is it bad that this is the first thing I thought of when I heard the stupidity being repeated?  Words only have as much 'power' as you let them have.  To me, this doesn't have any but those of laughter.  I love this scene and the ones that follow with Randall putting the phrase "Porch Monkey 4 Life" on the back of his Mooby's uniform shirt.  The above clip is comical.  No I know that term isn't and there are a slew, of terms, most in that clip, that aren't good either.  But it is like I said, it only has power if you let it.  I have lived a pretty normal life, growing up, yea, I am from a Chicano background, but I have been in a very supportive environment.  I remember having friends and lots of them, never did we judge the color or lack of color of some one's skin.  That is something they have no choice in the matter over. Rise above the way someone looks on the outside.  It has always been instilled in me since I was a small kiddo....  My parent's best friends were an interracial couple, they were in their lives before I was even born.  I grew up at Aunt Julie's and Uncle Keith's house, learned some of the hardships they had to go through... I remember those conversations, when I would ask why to them... and both trying to break things down on an age appropriate level for me.  I couldn't understand it then and I still don't get it now.  I had things come at me when I was showing horses... I remember those times vividly too, but Mom and Dad, and even Lesa (my instructor) did an excellent job not letting me focus on that hate.  They said that those people were just upset because I was excelling where they weren't and there had to be something they could say to bring me down... so it was out of a small mind that they attack something I have no control over.  At sixteen I was dating this guy from Ohio, RW.  We had just been out horseback riding (it was his first time out, so I had given him my horse --gosh I miss Tinker!).  I went to drop him off at home, and we were a hot mess, having been riding, cleaning stables, and the horses... anyhow, his dad opened the door and as I was thanking him for letting R come out for the day, he got pissed.  Now I didn't understand where this was coming from because he was home on time, actually early, and a shower should take care of the rest.  Haha, right?  He looked right at me and said wait, are you Mexican?  I shrugged and said yea.  He said get off my property and you won't be talking to my son anymore.  Oh the tears.  I left feeling shame and hurt.  That was the FIRST time it had hit and so hard and about me.  WOW.  Hate, geez.  That was horrible.  Okay, so yea, I am of Mexican American decent.  Yup, it is in the ancestry... So is an LDS from UT... and a few Spanish people.  Several southern families farther back... and Mom reminds me, (shutters) I am even related to the Donner family!  Not entirely Mexican, there is also native in there, on Dad's side, my great, great, grandmother was a "gift" to my great great grandfather for helping the community re-establish themselves after a huge storm, and then the tribe disowned her.  I am a mutt, no worries, though, a cute mutt.  Hehe.  I don't know how many are actually purebreds out there unless they happen to be inbred as well.  SMH.  MeCHAinlaw was pretty much a "good o'le boy".  Racial slurs just fell out of his mouth every time the man spoke.  Yea people like that exist... and nope not only in the south.  I am actually pretty proud of that man though, because in the ten years I knew him, he grew up!  We had many discussions, almost every time he'd say something... at least he listened to me, realized it was wrong... and in the end I was more upset to say goodbye to him than my ex husband!  I still miss him dearly, he is a good father.  The store that I worked at there was a few times there I was confronted as well with the issue of racism.  Really?  I still don't get it.  How you can deal with talking to me on the phone, be my best friend, we work things out, and then everything changes when you meet me and I don't look like you think I should.  WTH? So today's petty words were just that.  Petty, ignorant.  If that's all you have to come at me with... I am laughing.  It's so small minded.  And considering the source.... it may have been a case of someone throwing stones who lives in a glass house, but that seems to be the case too, normally.  Those who are insecure try to make another insecure.  News flash, it didn't work.  In fact it solidified the fact that I am where I need to be.  I don't need that kinda hate, negativity, or anything that brings in my life.  There is NO place for that, never was, never will be.  I just don't tolerate hate.  *steps off the soapbox*  If I have offended you reading....maybe you should check why you are offended.  I don't hate people based off of something that is impossible to change.  The color of your skin was not something chosen.... I look deeper at the character of the individual.  I can and do still love all the people IN my life for who they are on the inside.  Also being narrow minded you shut yourself off from a world of possibilities!!!

Clearning out space

Hasn't quite been a week of posting positive affirmations but things are starting to change, manifest positive outcomes.  Yes, I am walking that walk too, not just talking!

Change can happen.  Change your mind, change your thoughts... Move through the crap, cut out the unproductive vine... keep on moving forward. You will be like the cream, rising to the top!  Small changes can result in big things happening, this is something that I have seen, this last week.  --- all of these statements are things that have been said to me this week by friends! 
I know general statements.  Gonna start off with today's affirmation and progress from there, explaining a bit how it applies and what happened to me.  You get what you project, its why I wanted to work on the affirmations, laws of attraction.


"I attract only healthy relationships"

This last week, oh wow.  The good people in my life those supporting the positive changes those who want to be a part of this and get behind me, are there.  FIRMLY there!  BTW, HECK YEA!  I have never felt so much positive energy, so much positive support.  I am a happy girl, personally.  Feeling validated in a major way.  Things are moving the way they should be.  There are always the negative energy, the haters.  Its pretty interesting that I had that force come at me twice.  DONE.  There just isn't any room in my life for it. 

If I allow the negative, its like I have said for the last few years... let me use the analogy of a closet... spring cleaning.  What do you do?  You organize, toss out the stuff that doesn't fit, is out of date, or style, purge the stuff out of the closet that isn't working for you.... why?  To make room for the good stuff!  For new stuff.  If you hang on to the negative, then there isn't room for the positive.  I have taken this analogy and ran with it for a while, remembering to clear out that negative energy out of my life out of my personal space every so often.... when I purposely make space for positive energy, relationships, I always get them.  YES!  It's totally worth the change.  Completely worth it the trust in the process. 

Life hasn't always been this positive for me.  We all have stories.  Here's the raw part from me... Victim of rape, abuse (mental, emotional, and physical), caustic relationships.   That is just the tip of the iceberg.  Not wanting to wear that "victim status" yea, it happened.  At some point I may go into those subjects, its actually pretty likely, this is a fairly new blog.  Peeling off the layers slower.  I do firmly believe, that you can be the 'victim' your whole life, or  you can take it, run with it... wear what happened to you, like a badge, say you went through it.  It MAKES you who you are at this very moment.  I am a very loving person and trusting despite all that has happened.  I won't let some bad choices of others change me, that to me, lets them have that part of me, that uniqueness. NOPE.  I am who I am, they won't change it.  Projecting the positive. 

There are about eight affirmations that I see on a daily basis, sticky noted.  Its subliminal messages at this point, something is sticking to the inside of my subconscious too, its working.  The positive relationship affirmation has been on my mirror since Monday.  lol, things have happened, changes, and all for the better. 

Good things are happening.  And I am open to the idea of more good things happening.  Diversity happens too, challenge, there will always be something out there to try and shake it up and make things difficult.  I have, as this week has proved, a wonderful support system. 

Speaking of that system.... I owe some HUGE thank yous to people in my life.  In the midst of diversity, the stood there, told me they had my back, gave me words of encouragement, and let me be me.  They didn't "fix it for me".  They just let me know that the answer lied within and within my trust in GOD.  They ROCK.  I am still grateful for so much. 

I know I have done my share of leaning this week.  This works both ways.  All those people in my life, I am there for them too.  I will be (this blog is my witness) your biggest cheerleader (fan), your shoulder should you need me, a safe place to tell your secrets to, and if you trust me enough with your dreams.  I will help you get there, moving mountains if we need to one grain of sand at a time.  Let me be there, and I will. 

Still shooting for the moon! 
I know random blog again.  Yikes, but these thoughts and ideas need to go somewhere.  They have to manifest.  Thanks for reading. 

A heart full of gratitude, I keep on moving forward.

Not As "Far From An Angel" As You May Believe

Ever have that person in your life... the one that comes into your life and radiates hope and love.  Not saying it has to be romantic, hearts and flowers kinda love.  No more like the friendship unconditional type.

There are a few individuals like that in mine and I know one of them claims to be 'far from an angel' but he most certainly is, actually they all are.

I am incredibly blessed, my life path has been put back on track.  Set right.  Yea, its taken a few years, but after all the years of destruction, its usually gonna take a bit to get back.  Looking at the people in my life, God has never given up on me, there are some incredibly wonderful friends I have that radiate HIS light.  Come to think of it, I am drawn like a moth to a flame to most of them.  I guess its searching for my internal light, maybe or just the attraction.  I could sit in their presence all day, most of them, well no, all of them, just basking in the light, their light, HIS light.  Whatever the case is I KNOW these people are in my life for a reason.  I love them all.

 Everything happens for a reason.  My conversation earlier was pretty incredible.  The affirmation today, good stuff!  Rhetorical question.  How is it that we will listen to Tom-Tom (garmin) and follow it's directions exactly, having faith that we will get to our destination in one piece, on time, safely... and yet we question our Creator and HIS plans for us?  Challenge you to let God be your GPS, follow HIS plan, and let him guide you even if you make a wrong turn, he will lead you back.  

Yea, that was a deep conversation.  Nice analogy.  It was sincere and just shooting from the hip, really.  But it made sense.  I edited pages this morning, and was kinda bummed about it, but letting it go, there is a reason why there were revisions that were asked... and a few of them I feel better about, most, eh.  I do think its a big picture thing so I am alright with that process. 

Had my moment of being star struck too, its just me, I am a nerd.  But incredibly humbled when someone very talented (yea pedestal, blah blah, don't rain on my parade) actually takes a moment to speak to me.  I know they are busy, it just well, I guess I am honored.  Humbled and honored. 

While I was "networking" with said individuals I had an incredible opportunity to witness some great things happening between two friends!!!  I love my life.  I love my friends.  Hummm both of these ladies I would consider them the people that are in the third paragraph.  Introducing them seemed so natural.  I do love it when we all lift each other up!  That's how it should be.  Friends should be able to be there for each other, and raise each other up, that is a true gift.  I am blessed to know these ladies. 

The day got better, I got to bask in another angel's light.  LOL.  He is too humble to call himself that as well, but isn't that one of the key signs?  Yea.  I do believe so.  Incredibly talented in his own right, the conversation flowed easily.  Thought provoking again, dang.

With my mind all over the place and trying to process the day sometimes I just need a "timeout".  Came home and stretched out, yoga!  LOVE that.  Breathing exercises too, maybe I will get into some of those on here.  Meditation.   Ahhhh.  Got me back to me.  Centered, grounded.  Back to the healing; massage therapist mode.  My fave.  It feels good, good to know that I have a purpose, good to know that my experiences in life are validated from a greater power.  But even better to know that I am easing pain or even just stress from someone for a bit of time. 

Yea, its almost that time to go do that.  I am just letting everything out.  Letting it all go, so I can get back to that frame of mind.  I am almost there.  Close. 

I went on a small errand.  And listening to my music.  VALIDATION.  Yup.  I wonder if that particular Angel knows how grateful I am to them.  I hope. 

This blog is about as organized as my thought process today, sorry....

Grateful heart I proceed.  Keeping it going.

keeping it real

Oo.  I have incredible people in my life!  INCREDIBLE.  I love their honesty and who they all are.  Things have been a bit interesting the last couple of days.  Interesting good, but still interesting. 

Gonna be positive about it, even the not so pleasant parts, and gonna say that its an opportunity for growth.  In actuality, 85% of it was good!  The rest is just change.  I am getting set in my ways.  Change not coming as easily to me either.  LOL.  Like that writing process and me fighting the edits, but I did it.  I could wring Matt's neck too, because he says, "yea we are going back to most of the original... I didn't see the 'big picture' til now."  Thanks.  LOVE YOU TOO!  *breathing*  what else can I do?  I have to just trust in the process.

trust in the process... hummmm

Change.  I did cut that 'unproductive vine', Sir!  Moving on, I don't have place in my life for that.  Yes, Sir, you were correct.  Congrats calling it for what it is.  I do listen to my friends, I am also incredibly hopeful.  DW, and LJ, I at some point will figure it out, that's gentlemen for your patience.  Kimmie, Ryan, and Papi you were right too, with you f**k 'em statements!  Yikes.  Thanks Cookie for trying to keep the boat afloat for so long, it was a sinking ship.  Jenn and Allie, yup... See I just need to be V8 face palmed every so often.  Point is, I got nothin' but love for my friends and their ability to be honest with me.  YOU ALL ROCK!   

Still wonderfully blessed with who is IN my life, that they get me, that they want to see me succeed too.  YEA!  Its wonderful to know that I have that soft place to fall, to be me, to be held when I need to... but that they all still also share in my successes.  COME ON PEOPLE, we got this.  Shooting for the stars here.  And I am taking all of you with me!  Its growth, its moving forward, its on to wonderful dreams and possibilities.  Being positive that we can all accomplish our dreams.  I promise each one of you if you share those aspirations with me, and I will encourage you along too.

Challenged.

I was thinking driving this morning back home from my Starbucks outing which was a continuation of my Applebee's outing last night.  *grin*.  I felt good in my own skin. For the first time in a while, things were going well. I had a really great conversation and got my thoughts communicated across well.  I also heard what was being said.  Its nice being on the same track.  Trying to figure out the difference between a few days or weeks ago and now. 

So not but half an hr at most after I posted a status about a change in mentality in my life... it was challenged.  And confronted from an angle that I just wasn't expecting.  Yea I got defensive.  The change is for the better.  I have been lost for so long.  And I finally surrender, knowing I cannot do this on my own. 

There has been an internal struggle for sometime, but I discussed that two blogs ago.  Someone whom, I thought was behind me, turned out to be just there for his own things.  The moment I change (I am not allowed to grow, I guess, as a person) I get conditions, exceptions, and confronted with prejudices... that I am supposed to have?  How does that work.  Just because I have made a change, means I must be in this box over here.  And I have to abide by all "those" rules in the box????  This doesn't make sense to me.  I wasn't the one putting these restrictions on my feelings, on our relationship. 

The person I thought I'd get the most slack from about turning toward God, was my friend who is a Satanist.  Hummm, find it rather odd, that he actually was supportive.  This is not an issue to me on beliefs.  It's a personal decision to me; its because its a personal relationship.

I broke down.  Seems that he knows exactly the weaknesses, exactly what buttons to push.  But seriously?  If this is my only challenge to this... fine.  I know where he and I stand, there is a reason we are not together.  And ya know, maybe that's the reason we aren't really together.  Higher power?  Either way.  Tearing me down, apart, making me cry, and feel like crap for a positive decision I have made, isn't the way to make me love anything, anyone.  It's not healthy.  It may also be another excuse.  Well, I am not dealing with excuses. 

The difference between what was and what could be is what was is the past.  What could be is right in front of me and starting to take place.  Hummm..  See how that fits. 

Challenged yes.  Did it shake my faith NOPE.  If anything it actually validated the decisions.  My friends affirm my stance.  And although, I have one who I thought was important, disagreeing... The "t" chart is a bit imbalanced with those in favor. 

Sucks because I love this person for who he is, always have.  Somehow... I guess I am still giving more than I get.  The well is running dry in that area.  And my cup overflowth in others. 

I have an incredible support system.  And am now realizing that these people have been there the whole time.  Incredibly blessed and humbled to be in HIS light. 

Still gonna be positive, I will at some point see the silver lining even on the darkest of clouds.  Haven't given  up hope on anything yet.  It's not like me.  Eternal optimist.  Still going to pray for patience and understanding.  
Maybe I spoke in circles, I am pretty tired, this just drained me today.  Time to get some rest for the night.  Focusing on the good, the new, the great things, opportunity,  and people I have in my life.  That is where my energy should be anyhow.  I know that those people can't help but make me smile.

Humm, why? Screw that, WHY NOT?

Life is one HUGE lesson right, well several bound together.  I have heard many variations on this... christian, pagan, buddhist, even some that were very dark... We all gotta make our own choices with how we process things.  I read somewhere a christian based theory that we chose what lessons we need to learn.  How we would like our souls to evolve... now, the specifics we cannot chose.  Interesting that.  Seems quite plausible in so much of my life.  Ever sit back and wonder why?  Just tossing that out there.

This weekend began earlier than expected, Thursday evening to be more specific and didn't end until Sunday evening.  Working really hard last week, meant I was just as determined to play hard, mission accomplished! 

Life lessons kept popping up though, gonna go into one of them here maybe explore others later...  Matt, aka, my writing buddy (though I have many other things I call him, most of which aren't very nice.  That's the relationship we have had for the last 12 yrs, its full of sarcasm.  To be fair his term of endearment for me today was Squirt, yea, I am 31... sure why not?) had asked me several things today but even more in the last few days. 

The BIG one this weekend was "WHY"?  Matt was confused.  Friday came up, things were kinda chaotic, I was writing, had a busy day full of fun.  And starting to wind down things for the night. When I notice my friend, nope one of my best friends, is having a rough night.  She is getting overwhelmed with life.  Eh, it happens.  I have hit that panic button often.  So what the heck am I doing?  Nothing that can't wait, I wasn't even supposed to be working!  So I offer to go over there, help her clean and make her laugh.  Not because she is paying me, but because she IS my best.  That's what you do.  Stuff had to be done, and I could make her night flow a bit better, and got to enjoy her company, hell yea!!!  Matt was floored.  Okay, that still, I don't understand.  But he had hit a "wall" of his own, having a tough time that I didn't understand until this morning. 
He text me saying you left, I don't get it.  I called because I was driving.  He just said why?  I said I don't get it.  He said well neither do I.  You don't get recognition, you don't get paid, why?  I know you are tired kid, I know you have stuff to do in the morning.... why?  OHHHH I get the question now.  I have hit this particular wall with lots of people.  Gotcha. 

Answer:  The short and sweet is this IS WHO I AM.  Humility, I won't brag about helping someone out, that's just stupid.  Why do that?  No, don't fluff your feathers at someone else's expense.  The golden rule, I would want to be treated this way.  You set precedence on how and what is acceptable for others to treat you, by the way you behave and treat others.  I am not in it for the paying it forward idea; never give with the intention of getting anything, that clouds the gift.  I have fallen on tough times.... In the past I have always been able to have someone to depend on, different friends, but there is someone there.  I would hope that would continue to be that way.   BUT the real of it is, this I love my friends, everyone of them that is in my life.  They are all unique, a precious gift.  If I can make some one's life easier, why not?  If I can make someone smile, why not?  If I can just make someone laugh.... even bigger success.  There are a few more reasons I could elaborate on.  Its a matter of respect and unconditional love.  Relationships aka my friendships are fantastic, I do cherish them all.   

Wow, wasn't expecting the question, soooo wasn't expecting the answer.  But it's the truth.  It only took me moments to look inside and speak my heart.  Matt was floored.  Somehow I brought him to tears.  He just said, I don't believe you are genuine, I mean if I didn't KNOW you, and know that this is a normalcy for you I wouldn't get it. I would think there was some other motive.  But I know you do this.  I know this is who you are, all you have to do is look at your facebook wall, for crying out loud, and you can see part of it.  I know there are others, who don't say crap, they don't publish it anywhere, or don't say it every time it happens. 

He's right, but it's kinda weird.  I mean its a compliment, and its weird to be called out like that.  It is what it is.  I keep on keeping on.  I give until I can't give, and even then, I am usually still giving.   Yea, yeah, realistically, I have been burned by having that philosophy.  But I won't let those experiences or individuals change who I am.  They aren't worth letting that part of me go.  The victories far out number the tragedies.  So I keep on keeping on.  Yes, this is the REAL me.