LMAO. I know why start the blog there? Well it's a funny blog. Change is ever abundant, lots of things going on in the last week, and sometimes you just have to laugh at it. Because to freak out or try to micromanage just doesn't work.
It was time for something different. For about two months now I have been flirting with the idea of cutting my hair. Not something I do all the time, funny, I will dye it and not thing twice, cut? OMG.... NOOOO! LOL. The last time I had it professionally done was two years ago...well that was before Saturday! I am HAPPY, thrilled, whatever, it was time (long over due) for a change! Got my toes done too... and I was out of the Studio for less than 45 min and I had some guy, random, buy me lunch... that's good stuff! LOL. Matt says a return on the "investment" whatever. It was nice.... just to be thought of.
So many things going on... this blog started yesterday and I am just NOW getting around to finishing it, so working on two blogs at the same time. Lots to say. But I can't finish this scene... I will get to that in the next blog though as to the reason why.
If it's not one thing it's another, but at least I can see that it's external... or every once in a while I back up, finally after HIT THE PANIC button... stupid panic button... and then in the midst of my freak out I realize "ummmm HEY, this isn't entirely you"... Did that twice today. Crap.
Lots being dumped in my lap. Not that I won't help or that I can't help... Because YES SIR I most certainly will roll up my sleeves and get things going. A little dirt, dust, sweat... hell blood doesn't even scare me. Lets do this. Lets get things done.
Not everyone is ready for that change... nope some people like to just complain about where they are... not change a darn thing... DRAMA... OMG.
I am done with a good chunk of it. Tried to help someone out last night. Ummm bit me in the ass. Thank you very much. Not sure that I will ask her what's wrong in a loving manner again. Actually thinking about cutting ties all together. No biting the hand that feeds you. I was there, would be there... but I refuse to throw myself in front of the bus for you, I just don't know you that well, besides, it appears that you are blowing things out of proportion and being stupid. Just sayin....
I can't do it... It's exhausting. TAKE responsibility for your part. Like I said the other day... "you can't be a doormat, unless you decide to lay down and be walked on." It's the truth. People don't see it. LOOK, I have had my share of bad experiences... so has EVERYONE else, it's this thing called LIFE. We all come from someplace unless you lived under a rock... and even then; there is something that kept you there.
So the new phrase that I heard on Saturday evening I am totally taking and running with it..."Don't feed the Drama Fish; let it go belly up." Nice, from my friends Aunt. But regardless where it came from still some great advice.
YUP, YUP. That about covers it for the change and the drama... and the end of drama as I want to know it. LOL....
Leaving with one last thought... instead of not feeding the darn fish... how 'bout we just flush it!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Yes, it IS a decision
Things have been pretty freaking good. Been so extremely busy. Running around taking care of 5 kiddos, yup 5.... I lovingly borrow and return at the end of the day. They are keeping me busy. Lots of learning but that goes each way.... I am strict but still very loving.
Score, yesterday at the store I was complimented for their behavior. SO yup they got rewarded!
Writing continues, though it is more done from a book style at the moment. Matt just asked me to keep on going, telling the story. He had some personal matters to attend to so he's not as readily avail as he had been. No worries, I keep on going and we still chat and often, thank goodness for unlimited text messages. I thought that number would go down... nope it's increased. LMAO.
The two massages I had the other day, did well. I was hurting so badly on Monday... But come Tuesday, I was feeling 200% better! Which is how it should be. I know it was much needed. Had some emotional releases, I even laughed on the table... so not like me, but let it go..... did a bit of journaling. Feeling this positive internal energy that I feel when I am grounded. SCORE!!!
Personally things are going well... my friends rock! They are very wonderfully supportive. The amazingly incredible guy in my life is still amazingly incredible! Which reminds me what I was gonna talk about in a blog.... ahhhhhh sweet.
Here's my lesson, and it was learned... because I was able to take a step back, be objective, and realize I was making unfair decisions, requiring hoops to be jumped through that had no place in a relationship, ever... they are selfish. NOOO that's not good.
Lesson goes something like this... if you like a person for the qualities that reside within them... you can't use those same qualities against them. That's not fair. Here's the example.... We are gonna use a guy just because I am writing this and this IS how the light bulb occurred to me, personally. If you like a guy, appreciate (say) his work ethic, then you cannot get mad when he works his tail feathers off (picking up a late shift or a few more hours)! That is not fair, not right.... It was a quality you found admirable... Are you are saying that you appreciate the quality but only if it's convenient for you? WTH?.... NOOOOO not right at all. Be consistent. Don't make someone choose. Don't bend the rules when its works for you.
This lesson is kinda tough sometimes, its easy to think me, me, me... but hello that's not what the inside of a relationship is about... be it friendship or romantic; its a duality one that exists between two people, so consider both parties. I have been on the other end of that stick. It's not fun. You are only allowed to show the qualities when it works for someone else.... but its a character defining quality, so it seems like they are caging you in. NOT good. Why not come up with a different solution. Make that potential negative, positive. Find a way to praise the person because it still is a quality you like deep down.... and its part of them... of course things don't go then as you originally intended, but it can be better! And that's what it's about right? Build each other up instead of tearing them down. Yes, it is a decision.
Speaking of decisions..... The decision to find happiness internally... NO ONE will ever complete you... You have to find that inside yourself. Complete yourself. Make yourself happy, then you will find additional happiness. What happens when you count on someone else making you happy? Firstly, that's a lot of pressure for that other individual, seriously no one is on the happy train 24/7. Don't build your entire foundation for your happiness on someone else, when they crack, which will happen you fall too. YIKES! Secondly, if you are dependent on that other person, if you are lacking then well you will never fully be happy.... its all an illusion at that point. But if you are truly happy, able to find that within yourself... then someone else just adds to that. LIKE attracts LIKE. You'll find someone with the same internal happiness and VIOLA!
Now if I could just pour that knowledge into a few people... think would be better. SMH. There are some people that just can't learn from someone else's mistake, they have to do it for themselves... I can see the fall about to happen but I have to let it go... and that kinda sucks. Mostly sucks. But if that's how they learn, gotta let them fall... just hope I am kinda close to help with that fall.
Journaling, and journaling, and writing words upon words... seeing where it leads me. I am quite talkative, but have made sense out of some rather nonsensical situations. The positive affirmations and other changes I have made in my life are becoming more fruitful. SWEET. What a glorious validation. God is good! And one thing is definite, change occurs... I am gonna keep it on a positive track. Like attracting like. Happy about what the future will bring... more happiness, more things to be grateful for.
I am more than pleased with where I am currently in life... If it was all over tomorrow, no regrets. I love to the fullest and unconditionally and have the most wonderful people in my life and they know how much I care for them. It's with that grateful heart, always, that I proceed.
Score, yesterday at the store I was complimented for their behavior. SO yup they got rewarded!
Writing continues, though it is more done from a book style at the moment. Matt just asked me to keep on going, telling the story. He had some personal matters to attend to so he's not as readily avail as he had been. No worries, I keep on going and we still chat and often, thank goodness for unlimited text messages. I thought that number would go down... nope it's increased. LMAO.
The two massages I had the other day, did well. I was hurting so badly on Monday... But come Tuesday, I was feeling 200% better! Which is how it should be. I know it was much needed. Had some emotional releases, I even laughed on the table... so not like me, but let it go..... did a bit of journaling. Feeling this positive internal energy that I feel when I am grounded. SCORE!!!
Personally things are going well... my friends rock! They are very wonderfully supportive. The amazingly incredible guy in my life is still amazingly incredible! Which reminds me what I was gonna talk about in a blog.... ahhhhhh sweet.
Here's my lesson, and it was learned... because I was able to take a step back, be objective, and realize I was making unfair decisions, requiring hoops to be jumped through that had no place in a relationship, ever... they are selfish. NOOO that's not good.
Lesson goes something like this... if you like a person for the qualities that reside within them... you can't use those same qualities against them. That's not fair. Here's the example.... We are gonna use a guy just because I am writing this and this IS how the light bulb occurred to me, personally. If you like a guy, appreciate (say) his work ethic, then you cannot get mad when he works his tail feathers off (picking up a late shift or a few more hours)! That is not fair, not right.... It was a quality you found admirable... Are you are saying that you appreciate the quality but only if it's convenient for you? WTH?.... NOOOOO not right at all. Be consistent. Don't make someone choose. Don't bend the rules when its works for you.
This lesson is kinda tough sometimes, its easy to think me, me, me... but hello that's not what the inside of a relationship is about... be it friendship or romantic; its a duality one that exists between two people, so consider both parties. I have been on the other end of that stick. It's not fun. You are only allowed to show the qualities when it works for someone else.... but its a character defining quality, so it seems like they are caging you in. NOT good. Why not come up with a different solution. Make that potential negative, positive. Find a way to praise the person because it still is a quality you like deep down.... and its part of them... of course things don't go then as you originally intended, but it can be better! And that's what it's about right? Build each other up instead of tearing them down. Yes, it is a decision.
Speaking of decisions..... The decision to find happiness internally... NO ONE will ever complete you... You have to find that inside yourself. Complete yourself. Make yourself happy, then you will find additional happiness. What happens when you count on someone else making you happy? Firstly, that's a lot of pressure for that other individual, seriously no one is on the happy train 24/7. Don't build your entire foundation for your happiness on someone else, when they crack, which will happen you fall too. YIKES! Secondly, if you are dependent on that other person, if you are lacking then well you will never fully be happy.... its all an illusion at that point. But if you are truly happy, able to find that within yourself... then someone else just adds to that. LIKE attracts LIKE. You'll find someone with the same internal happiness and VIOLA!
Now if I could just pour that knowledge into a few people... think would be better. SMH. There are some people that just can't learn from someone else's mistake, they have to do it for themselves... I can see the fall about to happen but I have to let it go... and that kinda sucks. Mostly sucks. But if that's how they learn, gotta let them fall... just hope I am kinda close to help with that fall.
Journaling, and journaling, and writing words upon words... seeing where it leads me. I am quite talkative, but have made sense out of some rather nonsensical situations. The positive affirmations and other changes I have made in my life are becoming more fruitful. SWEET. What a glorious validation. God is good! And one thing is definite, change occurs... I am gonna keep it on a positive track. Like attracting like. Happy about what the future will bring... more happiness, more things to be grateful for.
I am more than pleased with where I am currently in life... If it was all over tomorrow, no regrets. I love to the fullest and unconditionally and have the most wonderful people in my life and they know how much I care for them. It's with that grateful heart, always, that I proceed.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
...and two massages later!
Woke up at about 2am in a state of panic. Awful dream. I normally sleep pretty well, there have been a couple exceptions to this rule this week. And it's those hiccups that had me kinda concerned. Looking over at my phone, I had a text... and that right there was soothing. Hopped on fb trying not to think about the dream... Wished my friends a happy birthday, three of them.. did my social network thing.... went grabbed my stuffed dog, and my down comforter plugged in my CD player, and was set. Fell right back to sleep, pretty peacefully actually, thankfully. Woke back up a few hours later, and saw another text. Makes me smile, thanks for checking on me.... *blush*
Anyhow.... finally crawled out of bed a few hours later.... and decided it was time for some prayer and meditation... things have gotten a bit lax lately..... Needing some me time. Time to get grounded get things straight. Stressed out yesterday didn't help me feeling the anxiety..... better now. I know I need to be patient. And yowzers I have a tough time with that.
My meditation today was alchemy; transformation from one thing to another. I saw an incredible affirmation... energy follows thought. Transforming anger and fear into unconditional love.... just working with breath..... as simple as inhaling and exhaling bringing in the goodness and exhaling the negative. The change is in the exchange. Finding that peaceful moment... that quiet inside.
I've heard that prayer is you speaking to God, while meditation is HIS opportunity to answer. You have to be still and you have to be quiet in order to hear the miracles take place, your prayers being answered.
Powerfully fantastic stuff.
Was writing poetry when I got text from a friend asking about a massage. Not in the mindset to work, too much physically and emotionally going on..... but....... hummmmmm.........
So I decided to follow up the ME day with a massage. Invited a few, because goodness should be shared! I have a free pass for a several more free sessions at the student clinic. Like I needed an excuse? Well I wasn't really sure. It can be difficult for me to receive sometimes... I have mentioned it before though and am working on it.
So I was texting another and said that I was headed out to get a massage... I got a great affirmation... "the healer getting healing...." *nods* HECK YEA! With that I was more than on board.
My heart was in the right place! LOVE THAT.
I was in need of financial support for my endeavors (gas money).... and I was collecting from a previous massage. Sweet how things just "work out". God is always at work, just can't put your agenda in front of his! There is no other way to say that because.... I couldn't get a hold of her and she wasn't home... when I showed up at her house. I was frustrated, and mostly stranded..... but, well, if it's supposed to happen, somehow it will. She drives right around the corner at that moment! WOW, right? Her phone was in her house so she had no way of knowing I was trying to reach her. HA.... yea. Okay message received Big Man Upstairs... be patient.
So off to the clinic we go. Meeting up. One free session later, and another on the house (my friend) only had to punch the card once. YES! I ask her how she feels after the first massage... things look a bit slow in the clinic. She says alright, I said wanna go again? YUP! Like I had to ask. Ha. So back we go, for our second session.. YEA, whatever, I said two massages!
Since it's the clinic and I really want to give feedback, that's always my goal, to be wonderfully inspiring to the student practitioner. I want to make them smile, trying hard to give at least one point of constructive feedback, but for every one smothering it with goodness too, at least three to one ratio... So one constructive, means 3 fantastic compliments, sincere compliments, but compliments. I don't wanna destroy dreams but I don't wanna not give feedback. Both are important. They are students and well look for that feedback from a former student. It's why we have the punch cards for the free sessions to begin with!
First session.. WOW. Incredible intuition.... she knew just where I was hurting! And I didn't say anything, I told her to just do her thing. I came out worked over and nauseous/headachy... it happens, part of the detox, I wasn't very well hydrated and there was a ton of "projects" she worked on ("projects" has a better connotation, a project can be fixed, it can be worked on, an "issue" will always be an "issue"). I love trying to figure out what the hell the massage therapist is doing while I am on the table. HAHA. Steal moves, or what not it's what we all do as therapists, there is always something to "take away" from the session. She had some incredible things and I complimented her on the under body work, great stuff.
Second session.... EPIC fail, Mari. I was really trying to stay awake. NOPE. Crashed. Now understand, I have no problem when someone falls asleep on me, I think its wonderfully sweet. Quite an honor to have someone relax enough to do so. And if I am getting a professional session, I usually do crash at some point. Still try to stay awake to remember those moves, haha! But this is a student who is wanting feedback. SMH. She started on trigger point work on my back. HOLY COW. My back was on fire. There were a million of those little nasty buggers. Somehow in the middle of it I crashed. Woke up with her draping my legs but still out. She has a healer's touch, and that was what I needed. I did have feedback for her, no worries. Just not quite the quality stuff I am used to giving.
My friend was mush.... Fantastic... Had to practically roll her into her car. Good sessions! The cost to us outta pocket? Gas money to the clinic... that's all... and a few hours of our time. That has got to be a triple-word-score worthy!
Came home starving... Wow, something I haven't been in a while. So yup ate and hydrated. Looking forward to good great week. Lots of stuff to do. Kiddos to hang out with. Stoked.
The bad dream was just that.... they happen... I am comforted to know that I am in the midst of some wonderful individuals that love and support me. Those same individuals encourage me to be me. Incredibly blessed and wonderfully grateful! With an open heart I proceed!
Anyhow.... finally crawled out of bed a few hours later.... and decided it was time for some prayer and meditation... things have gotten a bit lax lately..... Needing some me time. Time to get grounded get things straight. Stressed out yesterday didn't help me feeling the anxiety..... better now. I know I need to be patient. And yowzers I have a tough time with that.
My meditation today was alchemy; transformation from one thing to another. I saw an incredible affirmation... energy follows thought. Transforming anger and fear into unconditional love.... just working with breath..... as simple as inhaling and exhaling bringing in the goodness and exhaling the negative. The change is in the exchange. Finding that peaceful moment... that quiet inside.
I've heard that prayer is you speaking to God, while meditation is HIS opportunity to answer. You have to be still and you have to be quiet in order to hear the miracles take place, your prayers being answered.
Powerfully fantastic stuff.
Was writing poetry when I got text from a friend asking about a massage. Not in the mindset to work, too much physically and emotionally going on..... but....... hummmmmm.........
So I decided to follow up the ME day with a massage. Invited a few, because goodness should be shared! I have a free pass for a several more free sessions at the student clinic. Like I needed an excuse? Well I wasn't really sure. It can be difficult for me to receive sometimes... I have mentioned it before though and am working on it.
So I was texting another and said that I was headed out to get a massage... I got a great affirmation... "the healer getting healing...." *nods* HECK YEA! With that I was more than on board.
My heart was in the right place! LOVE THAT.
I was in need of financial support for my endeavors (gas money).... and I was collecting from a previous massage. Sweet how things just "work out". God is always at work, just can't put your agenda in front of his! There is no other way to say that because.... I couldn't get a hold of her and she wasn't home... when I showed up at her house. I was frustrated, and mostly stranded..... but, well, if it's supposed to happen, somehow it will. She drives right around the corner at that moment! WOW, right? Her phone was in her house so she had no way of knowing I was trying to reach her. HA.... yea. Okay message received Big Man Upstairs... be patient.
So off to the clinic we go. Meeting up. One free session later, and another on the house (my friend) only had to punch the card once. YES! I ask her how she feels after the first massage... things look a bit slow in the clinic. She says alright, I said wanna go again? YUP! Like I had to ask. Ha. So back we go, for our second session.. YEA, whatever, I said two massages!
Since it's the clinic and I really want to give feedback, that's always my goal, to be wonderfully inspiring to the student practitioner. I want to make them smile, trying hard to give at least one point of constructive feedback, but for every one smothering it with goodness too, at least three to one ratio... So one constructive, means 3 fantastic compliments, sincere compliments, but compliments. I don't wanna destroy dreams but I don't wanna not give feedback. Both are important. They are students and well look for that feedback from a former student. It's why we have the punch cards for the free sessions to begin with!
First session.. WOW. Incredible intuition.... she knew just where I was hurting! And I didn't say anything, I told her to just do her thing. I came out worked over and nauseous/headachy... it happens, part of the detox, I wasn't very well hydrated and there was a ton of "projects" she worked on ("projects" has a better connotation, a project can be fixed, it can be worked on, an "issue" will always be an "issue"). I love trying to figure out what the hell the massage therapist is doing while I am on the table. HAHA. Steal moves, or what not it's what we all do as therapists, there is always something to "take away" from the session. She had some incredible things and I complimented her on the under body work, great stuff.
Second session.... EPIC fail, Mari. I was really trying to stay awake. NOPE. Crashed. Now understand, I have no problem when someone falls asleep on me, I think its wonderfully sweet. Quite an honor to have someone relax enough to do so. And if I am getting a professional session, I usually do crash at some point. Still try to stay awake to remember those moves, haha! But this is a student who is wanting feedback. SMH. She started on trigger point work on my back. HOLY COW. My back was on fire. There were a million of those little nasty buggers. Somehow in the middle of it I crashed. Woke up with her draping my legs but still out. She has a healer's touch, and that was what I needed. I did have feedback for her, no worries. Just not quite the quality stuff I am used to giving.
My friend was mush.... Fantastic... Had to practically roll her into her car. Good sessions! The cost to us outta pocket? Gas money to the clinic... that's all... and a few hours of our time. That has got to be a triple-word-score worthy!
Came home starving... Wow, something I haven't been in a while. So yup ate and hydrated. Looking forward to good great week. Lots of stuff to do. Kiddos to hang out with. Stoked.
The bad dream was just that.... they happen... I am comforted to know that I am in the midst of some wonderful individuals that love and support me. Those same individuals encourage me to be me. Incredibly blessed and wonderfully grateful! With an open heart I proceed!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Another Brick In the Wall?
NOPE. Sorry Pink Floyd. LOVE the song... I am DONE with the stupid freaking wall. Tired of it preventing me from getting where I want to be. That sucka is coming down. NOW. Its being blown apart from the inside out. Knowing how it was created or rather why it was created. Means that I respect parts of it, but not the fact that it is KEEPING me out. No... I don't wanna stay on the outside anymore. I want in!
A sledge hammer and a few tons of persistence as dynamite. That thing doesn't stand a chance. Visualizing it going. Going... GONE. I can then work on the next part. Repairing what its unveiled, what the wall was hiding. I am not scared of a bit of dirt and dust, not even scared to get a little messy working........ *rolling up my sleeves and putting the hard hat on*
Last night was somethin' interesting. Got down on myself. I mean, realistically it happens. Stupid seeds of self doubt. GRRRRR. There is an interior monologue that I know most of us have. Somehow going through abuse its a soundtrack that seems to be a bit louder and its a bit tougher to realize that its the wrong soundtrack. Breaking that bad habit. The affirmations are working. Realized about 45 min into it that it was a pity party and I needed to knock it off... ALL by myself. whooohooo! Score.
Yea, I have had a problem with depression in the past, and seeing how deep that rabbit hole can go, is pretty rough. It normally takes a bit for me to pull myself out. But those words, those affirmations were just swirling around in my thoughts. I knew that it was just self doubt... and I needed to not go there. I have so many wonderful things and people in my life. I was on the verge of saying that I was unworthy... but NOOOO it never left my mouth... I do believe it was that realization that I thought I was unworthy that kick me into gear. Because I AM WORTH it. I am!
I have had this discussion with a few people, near and dear to me.... in the last couple months. Same convo. Something about hearing that they are 'not good enough' is like nails on a chalkboard. But that's where I was last night. Took my own advice. No one should ever make you feel that way... because you are are great. *pats myself on the back* I am good enough, in fact I am the best at being me! LOL. I know self love. haha. But its so the truth.
So those affirmations are continuing to show good things, continuing to produce results. *Breathing*
Packed up the Self Doubt and kicked it to the curb. Fuck that, I am taking back my happiness. NOOOO, it won't get in the way. This is MY life and I am ready, more than ready to be happy. I am grateful to those in my life, the moment that I said I kicked out the doubt, haha, I received a ton of support! Greatest friends ever!!!! I have such joy in my heart to know that I am surrounded by people who love me and support me for who I am no matter what and that they want to see me succeed as much as I want to. THAT right there is incredible... and its amazingly motivating.
I know I am not on this journey alone. Got that message by a few people in my life who are inspired by me, not sure where to go with that. Validated what I am doing and that I am on the right path. Honored and very humbled. Being honest was the intention of doing what I do and writing this blog about it. If I can be an inspiration to someone else whooohoooooo! That is just amazing. Thank you for listening, thank you for being open. I am blessed that I know..... that for I am grateful for as well.
It is with that open and grateful heart that I proceed.
A sledge hammer and a few tons of persistence as dynamite. That thing doesn't stand a chance. Visualizing it going. Going... GONE. I can then work on the next part. Repairing what its unveiled, what the wall was hiding. I am not scared of a bit of dirt and dust, not even scared to get a little messy working........ *rolling up my sleeves and putting the hard hat on*
Last night was somethin' interesting. Got down on myself. I mean, realistically it happens. Stupid seeds of self doubt. GRRRRR. There is an interior monologue that I know most of us have. Somehow going through abuse its a soundtrack that seems to be a bit louder and its a bit tougher to realize that its the wrong soundtrack. Breaking that bad habit. The affirmations are working. Realized about 45 min into it that it was a pity party and I needed to knock it off... ALL by myself. whooohooo! Score.
Yea, I have had a problem with depression in the past, and seeing how deep that rabbit hole can go, is pretty rough. It normally takes a bit for me to pull myself out. But those words, those affirmations were just swirling around in my thoughts. I knew that it was just self doubt... and I needed to not go there. I have so many wonderful things and people in my life. I was on the verge of saying that I was unworthy... but NOOOO it never left my mouth... I do believe it was that realization that I thought I was unworthy that kick me into gear. Because I AM WORTH it. I am!
I have had this discussion with a few people, near and dear to me.... in the last couple months. Same convo. Something about hearing that they are 'not good enough' is like nails on a chalkboard. But that's where I was last night. Took my own advice. No one should ever make you feel that way... because you are are great. *pats myself on the back* I am good enough, in fact I am the best at being me! LOL. I know self love. haha. But its so the truth.
So those affirmations are continuing to show good things, continuing to produce results. *Breathing*
Packed up the Self Doubt and kicked it to the curb. Fuck that, I am taking back my happiness. NOOOO, it won't get in the way. This is MY life and I am ready, more than ready to be happy. I am grateful to those in my life, the moment that I said I kicked out the doubt, haha, I received a ton of support! Greatest friends ever!!!! I have such joy in my heart to know that I am surrounded by people who love me and support me for who I am no matter what and that they want to see me succeed as much as I want to. THAT right there is incredible... and its amazingly motivating.
I know I am not on this journey alone. Got that message by a few people in my life who are inspired by me, not sure where to go with that. Validated what I am doing and that I am on the right path. Honored and very humbled. Being honest was the intention of doing what I do and writing this blog about it. If I can be an inspiration to someone else whooohoooooo! That is just amazing. Thank you for listening, thank you for being open. I am blessed that I know..... that for I am grateful for as well.
It is with that open and grateful heart that I proceed.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Moments of Awesomeness
it's been a few days... kinda chaotic... lots going on and just sitting down to blog hasn't happened. I need to just do. Make time and do. So that is my attempt today.... right now.
Moments of awesomeness that are worth mentioning...
I was having a tough time the other day. Posted a status on FB asking the universe to remove the wall that I was constantly hitting. My friend wonderfully answered my request with a fantastic visualization. LOVE her! She told me to visualize whatever tool of destruction I wanted and just start picturing the wall behind DEconstructed... DEMOLISHED. Got it, I was nice at first, just a sledge hammer and pulled down bricks, a few at a time. The whole in the wall was more than enough encouragement.
Stupid wall is back, this time I am using dynamite. Just sayin, I am tired of being nice... I am tired of running up against the wall. I am making progress, its just slower than I wanted. But God has his own time table. Learning lessons throughout the way... So patience is trying to be my virtue by default.
Still posting my affirmations... Getting back wonderful energy from them as well. Keeping things moving in the right directions, my words and actions are being validated in the most wonderful of ways. My heart and soul are open to the reception of gratitude and love that pour forth.. Ohhhh NEW one..... new affirmation right there. That's what it's about... JUST letting my mind be free, allowing things to move me... the SPIRIT is just taking me and putting me where I need to be. VALIDATION just witnessed as you read.
One other one posted today... ended up with another great discussion. Things both my friend and I needed to hear.... INTERNALIZE LOVE. Wow, powerful things, right? I am a giver. Always giving, always. Many lectures later, lots of wounds I have had to heal.... and I still give. That's who I am. If I can do or something to make some one's life easier, make them smile, or just sigh in relief, I WILL take action. Somehow in the midst of this I have a tough time receiving it back. Admittedly getting better at it. For so long I thought I was unworthy. BAH now, I know better. It is time to know that I deserve it just as much as anyone else.
Needing to open up and accept what is given to me, that love and gratitude.... INTERNALIZE the love. Know it comes from a higher source, know that it will be what prevents me from getting so burned out. Know that I have to receive in order to give. And that I also have to have self love. Without that, the inside stuff... the outward stuff just isn't the same. Constantly seeking out what you need will not fulfill the need, it will just make the need more prevalent. Like attracts like. Be love, be receptive to it, and it will find you. All kinds of affirmations coming out of this blog, coming out... this, this right here shows, that something as small as a change in your thinking can change HUGE things in your life.
The amount of positive energy that has been returned to me, be it gratitude, love, encouragement, creativity, positive/supportive people and relationships in my life..... I have been multiplied... in the last few weeks. INCREDIBLE. There isn't any other word for it. On the right path. That I do know. I keep on keeping on.
Remembering Matt's quote the other day.... me bitching about trying.... "....but I try... and try....and try.... and-" His response, "Well, Tiger, it just means you aren't dead yet. Keep on." I baulked. He asked if I wanted an excuse or just to vent. I said vent... he said good it meant he wouldn't have to kick my ass, yet. Thanks... YUP he knows me.
Blog is all over the place, but here's the moral of the story. I am letting the spirit move... being witness to greatness, allowing it to happen as well, and then being grateful for it. Not standing for the negativity... Time to keep on keeping on. With a grateful heart I proceed.
Moments of awesomeness that are worth mentioning...
I was having a tough time the other day. Posted a status on FB asking the universe to remove the wall that I was constantly hitting. My friend wonderfully answered my request with a fantastic visualization. LOVE her! She told me to visualize whatever tool of destruction I wanted and just start picturing the wall behind DEconstructed... DEMOLISHED. Got it, I was nice at first, just a sledge hammer and pulled down bricks, a few at a time. The whole in the wall was more than enough encouragement.
Stupid wall is back, this time I am using dynamite. Just sayin, I am tired of being nice... I am tired of running up against the wall. I am making progress, its just slower than I wanted. But God has his own time table. Learning lessons throughout the way... So patience is trying to be my virtue by default.
Still posting my affirmations... Getting back wonderful energy from them as well. Keeping things moving in the right directions, my words and actions are being validated in the most wonderful of ways. My heart and soul are open to the reception of gratitude and love that pour forth.. Ohhhh NEW one..... new affirmation right there. That's what it's about... JUST letting my mind be free, allowing things to move me... the SPIRIT is just taking me and putting me where I need to be. VALIDATION just witnessed as you read.
One other one posted today... ended up with another great discussion. Things both my friend and I needed to hear.... INTERNALIZE LOVE. Wow, powerful things, right? I am a giver. Always giving, always. Many lectures later, lots of wounds I have had to heal.... and I still give. That's who I am. If I can do or something to make some one's life easier, make them smile, or just sigh in relief, I WILL take action. Somehow in the midst of this I have a tough time receiving it back. Admittedly getting better at it. For so long I thought I was unworthy. BAH now, I know better. It is time to know that I deserve it just as much as anyone else.
Needing to open up and accept what is given to me, that love and gratitude.... INTERNALIZE the love. Know it comes from a higher source, know that it will be what prevents me from getting so burned out. Know that I have to receive in order to give. And that I also have to have self love. Without that, the inside stuff... the outward stuff just isn't the same. Constantly seeking out what you need will not fulfill the need, it will just make the need more prevalent. Like attracts like. Be love, be receptive to it, and it will find you. All kinds of affirmations coming out of this blog, coming out... this, this right here shows, that something as small as a change in your thinking can change HUGE things in your life.
The amount of positive energy that has been returned to me, be it gratitude, love, encouragement, creativity, positive/supportive people and relationships in my life..... I have been multiplied... in the last few weeks. INCREDIBLE. There isn't any other word for it. On the right path. That I do know. I keep on keeping on.
Remembering Matt's quote the other day.... me bitching about trying.... "....but I try... and try....and try.... and-" His response, "Well, Tiger, it just means you aren't dead yet. Keep on." I baulked. He asked if I wanted an excuse or just to vent. I said vent... he said good it meant he wouldn't have to kick my ass, yet. Thanks... YUP he knows me.
Blog is all over the place, but here's the moral of the story. I am letting the spirit move... being witness to greatness, allowing it to happen as well, and then being grateful for it. Not standing for the negativity... Time to keep on keeping on. With a grateful heart I proceed.
Monday, June 6, 2011
sorting and sifting (feeling good)
Lots of things to come my way lately.... Emotions are at the surface..... been quick to get really mad...... upset.... and then giggly....
Thinking it was outing all that stuff.... but I have had a few days to calm the heck down and get my bearings... things are better, wayyy better... Its all about moving past the bs. Being just me. Wonderfully me.
So I sit here with about thirty things to do. I can't help but think of someone. The same someone who's text I got last night wishing me a good night, same one that woke me up this morning. *blush* It feels good. Feeling good to be in my skin at the moment (michael buble, "feeling good" goes through my mind as I say it. HA, its my blog I will post it, because I can...). Enjoying being in his presence, hoping the communication stays. I miss talking to him lots. Just incredibly smart and quick witted.
Back to this though.... I got side tracked.... off the subject. So 125 poems... That was the challenge. I have gone through and proofed... read and re read. It is now up to L to re-read, I told her to give me the feedback. We print and submit. Pretty freaking exciting, its work from about 8 yrs in total... Scary. But on the brink of something fantastic.
I am also continuing the writes for my story. SWEET. Baby steps, there and we may have another route. *crosses fingers*
I can now laugh about the other night. Someone, whom shall remain nameless in this blog.... Mr, pain in my ass-nameless (not Mr Sweet text)..... Decided to come onto me a bit strong. YUP. His kisser got slapped, and with my left hand. Apparently his lip caught his tooth and that got busted as well. I told him that NOOOO, I wasn't interested in him as such, he knows this, just trying to be very macho. ICK. Not giving away "my gifts" to just anyone. His apology to me yesterday, worked very well. I was having an off day. He brought over boxing gloves let me hit him square in the jaw, just once, and it was supervised. BOO! But it got out the aggression for the remarks that he made after the first incident. We are back on good terms, but that may have also been the ben and jerry's. Whatever the case.... I still have my friendship.
Today more edits. Alot of revisiting. Been working so steadily on the sub characters... that going back to the main character seems a bit off. So taking a break from it. Needing to see it from a guys perspective anyhow, waiting on a response from Matt for part of it. He's busy in meetings.
Had a bit of a hiccup this morning. But really I was in the right mentality, I didn't let it get to me. It was NOT my dumb decision, yup I made the judgement about what the kinda decision it was. I cannot be responsible for it. Nope, only responsible for my own actions and reactions. While there doesn't appear to be a good reason for the choice, I am can let it go... The decision will give me what I am sure is much more sanity in the long run. So letting it go.
Hearing good things for the most part from my friends and their stuff that they have going on.
Seems that I am not the only one coming up against resistance with my goals. But I am helping keep everyone focused. Just taking it and running with it; again I got the ball and am running to the end zone.
Staying motivated... keeping positive.... and moving in the right direction. Sorting through the bs. Getting down to the good stuff. Not sure that this blog said much of anything. It's an update. And a break from the inside of my mind at the moment. Gonna post a few poems and take a break.
With a grateful heart I proceed......
Ohhh... ps. those affirmations. ROCK. Still doing them every day, or close to.... and I have had phenomenal results personally and extraordinary feedback! :)
Friday, June 3, 2011
way my brain is wired or mis-wired
A couple of days ago, I was reading through note, proof reading a letter for a friend. LOL. Anyone who has been around me for any length of time knows I can't spell for shat. Here's the deal, most of it is me getting all wrapped up in emotion or what not, instead of paying attention, unless it's my phone stupid keyboard, I am not entirely responsible for that either! Tiny stupid buttons, don't even get me started when I had my acrylic nails on. HAHA!!! I try hard. But regardless, spelling is just not my strong suit.
I am a kinesthetic learner with photographic tendencies.... What does that mean? Hands on but I am pretty good at looking at something and memorizing a good chunk of it too. We all learn differently. There are some who are auditory (they hear something and viola they've got it). Traditional school isn't set up for every one's learning styles. It seriously used to piss people off in school that I never had to study too hard. Let me share? It just gets locked inside my brain. Effect most of the time, but it means I spit out random crap too. I guess its good for writing, now, pretty awesome for jeopardy... lol . anyhow.
Things aren't what they appear to be though. As a kiddo I was ambidextrous. I have always been. Remember vividly going to horseback ridding lessons as a kid and my instructor asking... are you right handed? I didn't understand... she said Okay kiddo, which hand to you brush your teeth with. I said well depends on which side of my mouth, lol. She said your hair, I told her it didn't matter. She said really? I said yup, I use both hands. Just whichever is easier to do something at the time. It doesn't matter. She saw that as a strength, and taught me how to show with each side. That would piss off judges, in the arena because it was different. Something as small as how you held the reins yea, made a difference. I just used the "inner hand" each time, more control. But I got docked sometimes because of it. DUMB. I also got questioned about it. Somehow not everyone understood, that it could be a good thing.
When I got to school things were pretty good, my kindergarten teacher realized that I could write with either hand. I remember her instructions to my mom to keep it going, keep encouraging me but it was gonna be more difficult initially. Then I hit first grade. I am not gonna throw that teach under the bus by saying her name. Only that she was SUPER strict and very old school... I am not that old, but there was a time when it was still acceptable an even common practice for corporal punishment to exist in school, this is right before there it was banned entirely.
This teacher, well yea, we got our ears pulled, sat in the corner, spanked... whatever she needed to do to humiliate us and shut us up, she did. It's not right... but it's what happened. So, when it came to writing. OMG, yup this was my first grade teacher. And it wasn't acceptable for me to change up hands writing, NO. And I have thought about it she really did discourage left handed people too. Anyhow. I remember her going as far as taping the pencil in my right hand to keep it in that hand. YEA. Lots of heartache. I just didn't understand and I didn't understand the punishments either. I was just a kid trying to understand things. First grade... so amongst things being learned at that time... numbers, number sequences... this is where I have the toughest part.
So what happened? What became of the insistent teaching? I am right handed. LOL. Though normally your dominate side (hand and foot (are/) is larger... My left hand and foot are both bigger... Should I have been left handed? I don't know. I know there are many things I still do with either hand. But there is a down fall. I am dyslexic... mostly in number sequences... dyscalculia (official term) but it happens with words too and this is where and what I was getting at with the proof reading... I saw the word "felt" but read the word aloud as "left"... all the same letters... I can read, even speed read... Pretty good at it actually, LOVE to read. Took a course in fourth grade, a speed reading course... thank you MOM! She knew I was struggling, it gave hints about studying and reading text books... speed reading, is awesome.
Thing is unless I am focusing on reading I have a hard time doing it aloud... so as I was reading, I transposed the letters, because the word was in a sentence in the middle of the paragraph. Yea, kinda embarrassing. It happens. I don't mean it to, the other thing that will often happen, I drop words. My ex used to make fun of me for this, jerk. But It's not really my fault entirely, its the way my brain is wired, or mis wired as the case may be.
ummm, kid do you know you transpose numbers? I said yea, well... he said nope I just wanna say thank you for giving me all your info, you are very thorough, thank goodness, and it stops me from having to play phone tag with you. BTW, you aren't the only one in that office who is. Well that made me feel minutely better, but better.
This is just another one of my quirks. It happens. Those that know me well enough, know it happens often, my apologies.... I don't mean to make life difficult by forgetting words, spelling like crap, or transposing numbers... the little hamsters that run my brain are a bit off. (Yes, I know, no REAL hamsters have been injured in the making of this... lol, I know they aren't really in my brain! I have a tendency to blame hamsters for everything especially if it runs slower than normal.) LOL.
Maybe that's why I learn the way I do. I am sure it has to do with how info is stored in my brain. My ex boss lady, when I worked at Kirby was AMAZED. She looked at me after giving the demo, second day of work, training on how to give Kirby demo's... she said you know where everything in this box goes right, and how the machine hooks together don't you. I nodded, replied pretty much. Yea, I get it. I will need to do it once, and it will be locked in forever. She laughed said photographic memory, I said close. It did come in handy too working at the bar. People like it when you can remember their drink orders. I know random, but it was the combo of remembering and having to punch it in that made me remember.
It is what it is, like I said a quirk. I am grateful I know how to read, I can communicate my thoughts, for the most part, logically... And that math, while its a pain, I can do that too. Maybe it explains why the blog kinda bounces back and forth too. Figured I'd share. Forget that not everyone knows this about me, so when someone else close learns it. I have to take a step back and say.... oh yea, by the way... It doesn't define me but it is a part of me.
Thinking that's why massage came naturally too, no numbers, no writing... but the learning was all hands on. SOUNDS easy enough. Watch the move, stroke, stretch, whatever, and duplicate... YUP. Perfect. Better yet, I get to be ambidextrous. Some things just fit and fit easily.
I am a kinesthetic learner with photographic tendencies.... What does that mean? Hands on but I am pretty good at looking at something and memorizing a good chunk of it too. We all learn differently. There are some who are auditory (they hear something and viola they've got it). Traditional school isn't set up for every one's learning styles. It seriously used to piss people off in school that I never had to study too hard. Let me share? It just gets locked inside my brain. Effect most of the time, but it means I spit out random crap too. I guess its good for writing, now, pretty awesome for jeopardy... lol . anyhow.
Things aren't what they appear to be though. As a kiddo I was ambidextrous. I have always been. Remember vividly going to horseback ridding lessons as a kid and my instructor asking... are you right handed? I didn't understand... she said Okay kiddo, which hand to you brush your teeth with. I said well depends on which side of my mouth, lol. She said your hair, I told her it didn't matter. She said really? I said yup, I use both hands. Just whichever is easier to do something at the time. It doesn't matter. She saw that as a strength, and taught me how to show with each side. That would piss off judges, in the arena because it was different. Something as small as how you held the reins yea, made a difference. I just used the "inner hand" each time, more control. But I got docked sometimes because of it. DUMB. I also got questioned about it. Somehow not everyone understood, that it could be a good thing.
When I got to school things were pretty good, my kindergarten teacher realized that I could write with either hand. I remember her instructions to my mom to keep it going, keep encouraging me but it was gonna be more difficult initially. Then I hit first grade. I am not gonna throw that teach under the bus by saying her name. Only that she was SUPER strict and very old school... I am not that old, but there was a time when it was still acceptable an even common practice for corporal punishment to exist in school, this is right before there it was banned entirely.
This teacher, well yea, we got our ears pulled, sat in the corner, spanked... whatever she needed to do to humiliate us and shut us up, she did. It's not right... but it's what happened. So, when it came to writing. OMG, yup this was my first grade teacher. And it wasn't acceptable for me to change up hands writing, NO. And I have thought about it she really did discourage left handed people too. Anyhow. I remember her going as far as taping the pencil in my right hand to keep it in that hand. YEA. Lots of heartache. I just didn't understand and I didn't understand the punishments either. I was just a kid trying to understand things. First grade... so amongst things being learned at that time... numbers, number sequences... this is where I have the toughest part.
So what happened? What became of the insistent teaching? I am right handed. LOL. Though normally your dominate side (hand and foot (are/) is larger... My left hand and foot are both bigger... Should I have been left handed? I don't know. I know there are many things I still do with either hand. But there is a down fall. I am dyslexic... mostly in number sequences... dyscalculia (official term) but it happens with words too and this is where and what I was getting at with the proof reading... I saw the word "felt" but read the word aloud as "left"... all the same letters... I can read, even speed read... Pretty good at it actually, LOVE to read. Took a course in fourth grade, a speed reading course... thank you MOM! She knew I was struggling, it gave hints about studying and reading text books... speed reading, is awesome.
Thing is unless I am focusing on reading I have a hard time doing it aloud... so as I was reading, I transposed the letters, because the word was in a sentence in the middle of the paragraph. Yea, kinda embarrassing. It happens. I don't mean it to, the other thing that will often happen, I drop words. My ex used to make fun of me for this, jerk. But It's not really my fault entirely, its the way my brain is wired, or mis wired as the case may be.
ummm, kid do you know you transpose numbers? I said yea, well... he said nope I just wanna say thank you for giving me all your info, you are very thorough, thank goodness, and it stops me from having to play phone tag with you. BTW, you aren't the only one in that office who is. Well that made me feel minutely better, but better.
This is just another one of my quirks. It happens. Those that know me well enough, know it happens often, my apologies.... I don't mean to make life difficult by forgetting words, spelling like crap, or transposing numbers... the little hamsters that run my brain are a bit off. (Yes, I know, no REAL hamsters have been injured in the making of this... lol, I know they aren't really in my brain! I have a tendency to blame hamsters for everything especially if it runs slower than normal.) LOL.
Maybe that's why I learn the way I do. I am sure it has to do with how info is stored in my brain. My ex boss lady, when I worked at Kirby was AMAZED. She looked at me after giving the demo, second day of work, training on how to give Kirby demo's... she said you know where everything in this box goes right, and how the machine hooks together don't you. I nodded, replied pretty much. Yea, I get it. I will need to do it once, and it will be locked in forever. She laughed said photographic memory, I said close. It did come in handy too working at the bar. People like it when you can remember their drink orders. I know random, but it was the combo of remembering and having to punch it in that made me remember.
It is what it is, like I said a quirk. I am grateful I know how to read, I can communicate my thoughts, for the most part, logically... And that math, while its a pain, I can do that too. Maybe it explains why the blog kinda bounces back and forth too. Figured I'd share. Forget that not everyone knows this about me, so when someone else close learns it. I have to take a step back and say.... oh yea, by the way... It doesn't define me but it is a part of me.
Thinking that's why massage came naturally too, no numbers, no writing... but the learning was all hands on. SOUNDS easy enough. Watch the move, stroke, stretch, whatever, and duplicate... YUP. Perfect. Better yet, I get to be ambidextrous. Some things just fit and fit easily.
It's All GOOD
Found that silver lining on the last cloud too. Things are looking better personally, professionally I got this. Moving back in the right direction. Even if it's small steps, it's still progressing in the right direction. Heard somethin really motivating the other day, yea, DW I do listen to you! Swear, most of it even sticks. It just settles in a day or two later. Sorry I was a mess. But yea. I got it.... paraphrasing because I don't remember verbatim, though if I thought about, I probably could remember.
Basically I progressed pretty far in my projects... Getting knocked down was a minor set back, on my butt... GET up, dust off, tape up the wounds... Get back in. There is still much forward progress made. Cannot and will not let a minor set back deter me because I have come pretty far. *looks back* Yea.
Shaking it off. Dealing with what happened, what has happened... Held most of my ground. Didn't sell out on any of it. That was important. Knowing who I am; what I bring to the mix. Somethings don't change. I am not going anywhere. So... Time to start moving forward again, even if it's Uncle-Bob-Baby-steps. That's fine, forward progress no matter how small is still forward.
I know where I want to be. An incredible support system beside and behind me keeping me moving, propelling me forward. On the right path.
Still getting good news. The best thing that I can do though, is just what I have been doing. BEING ME, genuinely me--- Hopelessly optimistic, giggly, out-going, loving unconditionally, supporting my friends, and enjoying life.
I am blessed, I know I am. I love the people in my life, ever grateful to them and the opportunities that I have. With that grateful heart I proceed.
Basically I progressed pretty far in my projects... Getting knocked down was a minor set back, on my butt... GET up, dust off, tape up the wounds... Get back in. There is still much forward progress made. Cannot and will not let a minor set back deter me because I have come pretty far. *looks back* Yea.
Shaking it off. Dealing with what happened, what has happened... Held most of my ground. Didn't sell out on any of it. That was important. Knowing who I am; what I bring to the mix. Somethings don't change. I am not going anywhere. So... Time to start moving forward again, even if it's Uncle-Bob-Baby-steps. That's fine, forward progress no matter how small is still forward.
I know where I want to be. An incredible support system beside and behind me keeping me moving, propelling me forward. On the right path.
Still getting good news. The best thing that I can do though, is just what I have been doing. BEING ME, genuinely me--- Hopelessly optimistic, giggly, out-going, loving unconditionally, supporting my friends, and enjoying life.
I am blessed, I know I am. I love the people in my life, ever grateful to them and the opportunities that I have. With that grateful heart I proceed.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Becoming A 'Million-Dollar' Babe
In a bit of chaos this week, seemed like everything that could happen... everything that could go wrong... did. Well maybe a bit of an exaggeration. I mean, the sky wasn't falling or anything like that. Nope, Chicken Little, the sky, it didn't move at all. There just seemed like one thing after another, someone shifted that ONE domino and wow, let's see how many were lined up. Yea, things fell.
"When life knocks you are your knees you are in the best position to pray."
Holy cow if that isn't true! I was busy trying to micromanage my life. When the dominoes fell. What happened? My personal life went ca put, then problems with work, then writing... then a couple friendships... wow! Bad enough that the last few things didn't even seem to get to me. (My theory why they didn't get to me was because, amongst everything else, I prayed for strength and clarity... right before those last things happened. When it did happen, I was given perspective.)
At the end there, I just started rolling with the punches; even joked about being a prize fighter because I was getting so good at managing at the end there. Several friends on my status got into it too, with the whole boxing analogy. LOL. LOVE THEM! I was told that I had someone in my corner, a few actually, we had a tag-team style-stress-relieving [youtube video song off most of which was fighting or boxing themed, but we tagged each other's name and virtually tagged them into the ring] (lmao). I was even told to float like the butterfly and sting like a bee... to which my reply said I was on it, because I was becoming a "million dollar babe"(haha changed it up, no babies here)! I mean there has got to be some sense of humor out there. Its a coping mechanism I get that, but if you can't laugh... then it, just seems wayyyy worse. I got some great friends if they can take not just the analogy but that and a pep talk and run with it!
A mess... so what to do? Well, be humble. Take responsibility for mu part if there was any... and clean up. It's a process. Not done with the process btw. I know. It started with admitting that there are some things just bigger than I can handle, prayed and let go. Prayed really hard and let go.
In the last month-ish my mentality has changed. I began the blog at the perfect time, you can see the transition. Good stuff to witness. Anyhow, been praying almost everyday, checking in, finding time for meditation too, even if it's just before bed, at least a few min. Someone told me that prayer is you talking to go, meditation is the opportunity for him to speak back to you. Now do I hear the voice directly, nope, just get this internal, silence. Sometimes that is the best part, this peace. Good stuff, nope wait, check that, GREAT stuff.
So I made decisions, that were the right decisions by me. I didn't go against who I am or what I believe, even though, I as given the offer, I didn't even think twice about the temptation nor did I shy away from what I should be fighting for. Yea, tough few days. Character building, more like character defining as well. One thing's for certain I have learned more patience this week. There have been so many times when I just get frustrated with the time it takes to do something, even if it is getting somewhere, grrrr, people driving, lol, btw, there is no horn in the vehicle I drive, so I can't honk. Lol. Yup patience.
I don't take for granted the progress that was made yesterday. I am grateful, extremely grateful. There is more yet to do. But I can see that light at the end of the tunnel... Those silver linings... How many more cliches can I throw in this blog, eh?
Those in my life, their positions in my life, those relationships have been affirmed, validated, whatever you wanna call it. Yup those are the keepers. AND I am gonna greedily keep them! Love all of them for all of their uniqueness and individuality.
It is with my grateful heart, I proceed.
"When life knocks you are your knees you are in the best position to pray."
Holy cow if that isn't true! I was busy trying to micromanage my life. When the dominoes fell. What happened? My personal life went ca put, then problems with work, then writing... then a couple friendships... wow! Bad enough that the last few things didn't even seem to get to me. (My theory why they didn't get to me was because, amongst everything else, I prayed for strength and clarity... right before those last things happened. When it did happen, I was given perspective.)
At the end there, I just started rolling with the punches; even joked about being a prize fighter because I was getting so good at managing at the end there. Several friends on my status got into it too, with the whole boxing analogy. LOL. LOVE THEM! I was told that I had someone in my corner, a few actually, we had a tag-team style-stress-relieving [youtube video song off most of which was fighting or boxing themed, but we tagged each other's name and virtually tagged them into the ring] (lmao). I was even told to float like the butterfly and sting like a bee... to which my reply said I was on it, because I was becoming a "million dollar babe"(haha changed it up, no babies here)! I mean there has got to be some sense of humor out there. Its a coping mechanism I get that, but if you can't laugh... then it, just seems wayyyy worse. I got some great friends if they can take not just the analogy but that and a pep talk and run with it!
A mess... so what to do? Well, be humble. Take responsibility for mu part if there was any... and clean up. It's a process. Not done with the process btw. I know. It started with admitting that there are some things just bigger than I can handle, prayed and let go. Prayed really hard and let go.
In the last month-ish my mentality has changed. I began the blog at the perfect time, you can see the transition. Good stuff to witness. Anyhow, been praying almost everyday, checking in, finding time for meditation too, even if it's just before bed, at least a few min. Someone told me that prayer is you talking to go, meditation is the opportunity for him to speak back to you. Now do I hear the voice directly, nope, just get this internal, silence. Sometimes that is the best part, this peace. Good stuff, nope wait, check that, GREAT stuff.
So I made decisions, that were the right decisions by me. I didn't go against who I am or what I believe, even though, I as given the offer, I didn't even think twice about the temptation nor did I shy away from what I should be fighting for. Yea, tough few days. Character building, more like character defining as well. One thing's for certain I have learned more patience this week. There have been so many times when I just get frustrated with the time it takes to do something, even if it is getting somewhere, grrrr, people driving, lol, btw, there is no horn in the vehicle I drive, so I can't honk. Lol. Yup patience.
I don't take for granted the progress that was made yesterday. I am grateful, extremely grateful. There is more yet to do. But I can see that light at the end of the tunnel... Those silver linings... How many more cliches can I throw in this blog, eh?
Those in my life, their positions in my life, those relationships have been affirmed, validated, whatever you wanna call it. Yup those are the keepers. AND I am gonna greedily keep them! Love all of them for all of their uniqueness and individuality.
It is with my grateful heart, I proceed.
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