take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes

I had this migraine yesterday and my body aches.  More than that I did something stupid.  I had some crazy dream last night.  I know no control over your dreams, blah, blah, blah.  Whatever.  So it got my muse restless.... there was some stuff brought up in the dream... that got her stirring. 

Basically left me feeling extremely empty.  BOO! Well I don't do that well. So I got up and just let it all out, everything that was inside, got caught up on paper.  Some of it is hurt, pain... but not all.  There is an overwhelming amount of hope and healing in the words.  I am scared to post.  It still seems to real all that came out.  I just let my pen go, and the paper was there to support me. 

I don't know what it means other than I had feelings to express. 

I am at a place in my life where I am very grateful for those who are in my life.  I want to support their dreams and aspirations as much as I want my own success.  Ready to take things head on.  It upsets me to see someone hurting, always been that way, wishing I could take some of that burden on so that they wouldn't have to deal with it.  I understand that it is their struggle to take on.  But its hard to sit back and watch sometimes.  I just don't like seeing people in pain or hurting or being mad...

I guess that's what most of the dream was about.  Learned along time ago, that it is possible for me to manipulate my dreams; used to have terrible nightmares as a kid... horrific.  One of the therapists I went to (yea, I said it, oooohhhh so taboo, blah) gave me some tools to get myself out of those situations... stop the panic in the dreams.  The tools are pretty useful.  More so I am so used to having them at my dispose that they are virtually in every dream I have.  It's like a fire alarm.  That's the best analogy I can use.  At anytime I can find the item and change the dream.  Hummm sounds like a few different movies. 

Okay so Morpheus lets take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.  YUP.  That's what happened exploring the dream and that is where all the poetry came out of.  I just let it be.  Just wanted to see what would spill forth.  There is a huge range of things inside me.  Wasn't aware to the depths of the feelings I tapped or how much certain people mean to me; even funnier?  The lack of feelings for others OOOOO!  Exhausted because it was a lot of emotion.  But I am better on the other side.  Resolving feelings and situations internally.  In a good place now. 

I sent a few text messages to friends earlier today, because looking at statuses it just seemed like everyone was having this kinda blah kinda day.  So why not tell those I appreciate and care about most that care and appreciate them.  Overwhelming responses back, I wasn't quite prepared for the response.  Those I have yet to hear back from.. eh.. I hope that the message still found them well. 

My body still aches, my soul is rejoicing though... and my heart is full but reserved.  It's just what I feel, the result of that dream. 

Not sure how much of this makes sense, the inside of my brain is mush.  I know that I am on the right path in life at the moment.  I took a big detour to get here but I am here.  And that detour I learned a lot about myself.  No regrets, because that's not how I live. Everything has a reason.

With a grateful heart I continue doing what I do....