Alright, this one isn't poetry. LOL. Today is a great excuse for reflection. It has always been a more "internal day" for me. The Catholic upbringing instilled Good Friday as a quiet kinda day, preparing for Holy Saturday and ultimately Easter.
As a kid, I remember vividly going up A mountain for the stations of the cross with the Newman community. I miss those days. This time of year, it's a bit warm out and in the afternoon, when we would start it was always a trek. The real challenge was making it all the way to the top. Of course there was always that final push. Dad and I would go together when I was little and then in high school I decided just to go no matter what. Regardless if we made it to the top, we still made it through all the stations. Praying the rosary the whole time. A gentle strength, preparation.... came from this meditation. There is normally a simple soup supper later in the evening at the church as well. Really, its just a veggie based soup and bread. Nada mas. Being Catholic no meat on Friday, during lent, Good Friday is no exception. Me and the Catholic church have had our falling out (today is not the day to review the hows and whys), however it doesn't mean that I cannot reflect still. And that's where I was going with this post.
This week has been chalk full of trials. It really is pretty insane how many directions I have been pulled in. Some of the things success but most just stumbling blocks. Which I consider tests of character. Reminded of the book, The Dream Giver, by Bruce Wilkinson. One thing I do a lot is read... this book is something else full of inspiration, haven't picked it up in a while, maybe that too is a sign that I need to. The beginning of the book is a parable about a man named "Ordinary" who lives in a land of "Nobodies" (other people). Ordinary decides he wants to be a "Somebody".... to follow a different path, a dream. He goes through many trials on his path to become a Somebody. One of those obstacles is going through the Valley of the Giants. In this valley he meets the giants who try to stand in his way preventing his dreams. Moneyless, Corruption, Rejection, just to name a few, and he must get past them all in order to continue.
I feel like I am in that valley. (Interesting that a "valley" is a low point in a landscape, hummm. Light bulb moment, saving for later.) This week I have come across quite a few Giants. One or two are familiar. Needing to find that internal strength and be the warrior that I can be in order to defeat them. Not to say they won't return, no to get them out of the way of this dream.
I am grateful that I have some good morals to help with this battle. Still working on the details of WHO I am and what I bring to the table... There are some new tools in my toolbox in that regards; bringing new weapons to help disable those giants so I can continue upon my path.
I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself I am my own biggest stumbling block. Still learning, a work in progress. All I can do is take responsibility for my actions and accountability for my part... learn and move forward. I can't control the actions or reactions of others. As a promise to myself, I will be as honest and forthcoming as I can be, living life in the present, looking forward to the future and learning from the past. Hoping I have surrounded myself with individuals who understand I am not perfect but are willing to look past those imperfections and accept me for who I am and encouraging me when I do stumble to get up, dust off, and continue on my journey.
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