Letting Go of the Anger Inside

Ever have a person walk into your life, show you what the heck is going on, very matter-of-factly.... and shake you up, to the root of your core? Make you question everything that is going on? Make you see that you aren't really living only existing, and even then it's not well? And do it in a way that is NOT condescending, not judgemental?  It's like they just hold up a mirror, show you your internal self..... no wait, a magnifying mirror (ugh those things) showing you stuff not everyone sees, but it's there, the stuff buried down deep..... but yet, THEY don't look, they don't judge what is in the mirror....

I know, lots of questions to open up a blog with. There is a quote from a book that keeps coming to mind.

"I was dead until you found me, though I breathed. I was sightless, though I could see. And then you came...and I was awakened."
-Zsadist
[the book is Lover Awakened, by J.R. Ward]


Change always happens; it's the only constant in life. Sometimes we are ready for it, other times we resist it. There was already a shift taking place when this person came into my life and set forth that mirror to show me all the anger that was still inside, all the resentment I thought I had let go. I was on the path to healing to happiness but "stuck"... I was at the my plateau and didn't know why.... THEN...

He didn't do it out of malice, he wasn't intending on proving a point by asking the questions he asked. We were just having a matter-of-fact conversation. It was even light-hearted, open, honest, sincere... Great energy... great dynamic.  Sarcasm, jokes, witty.... Fantastic conversation.  When I was least expecting it along came THE question.  I answered straight from my heart, no filter.  And then my WOW moment. In just a few sentences --Crap, he cut right through all the bs and found the heart of the problem.  I was left dumbfounded.... but we continued to talk. If he ever judged me based off of what I said, those few words... He never said.  Dang, I sure as heck took notice though.

Knowing what I know... I knew that the anger and anything else negative had to be let go. I wanted to be happier, but didn't know how to get there. And well, there was the puzzle piece, the key, it was right in front of me. If I was going to move on, to progress, to be able to be sincerely happy, I had to let go of all the anger. Anger has no place in a loving heart.

Shift....change... transform.... no, not my poem this time (there is a poem I wrote entitled 'shift, change, transform', this time), being my authentic self. Getting comfortable in my own skin. Because of him? NOPE. Because of ME. It was an unhealthy place to be and was not going to let me be truly happy. Why should I let the person that angered me so much have control over my happiness? So I have let go.

Forgiveness? Yea. It's part of the process. Not sure that I was really even at this part until recently.  All are forgiven, including myself, that was one of the hardest parts... forgiving myself.  I am who I am because of what has happened to me, not that it defines me... Because those circumstances do not. But they have made me a better person because I want to be better; because I will rise above it, take my lessons, and continue on living and loving.


With an open and grateful heart I proceed.